This was left on my phone at 6:30am.
I’m so excited… I’m, I’m so scared!!
When I worked a 9-5 job every morning I started my day out with a nice cup of hot caffine pill. I don’t like the taste of coffee so they did the trick. The odd thing was whenever I offered them to anyone they refused.
Caffeine pills have the same stigma as crack to most twenty-somethings. These kids will take any drug under the sun and not thing twice about it, but offer them the same amount of caffine that is in a cup of coffee and they freak out.
The only explanation of course is the episode of Saved By The Bell when Jessie flips out because she is addicted to caffine pills. That episode has changed lives and cost NoDoz millions. Seriously, offer your friends some caffine pills next time they say they are tired. When they say no, ask them if they have seen that Saved By The Bell episode.
The answer is always yes.
So anyways, I haven’t posted in over two weeks, and that is a major faux-pas to a budding bloglodyte. In my defense, I was working on a superawesometastic Valentine’s Day post, but it was just simply too involved to be put together in a slapdash manner. You guys are going to have to wait a little longer for that post. It will hopefully be worth it. I’m sure you will all think so. That post is now going to be saved for a VERY SPECIAL OCCASION that is coming soon to an interweb near you (except for you, young Timothy Foo).
I have purchased the domain okcupidletters.com and will soon be migrating content over to that domain on a new site. I really like tumblr, and will continue to post entries here in parallel, but I don’t understand why most tumblr people just repost other people’s photos and things and think that it’s a waste of time and bandwidth to repost photos of pretty girls…So I am moving to a more mature and wordcentric blog platform. So now that I have built up that blog-post to the point where it can’t help but be disappointing to you when it does get published on http://okcupidletters.com in the very near future. As for now, you’ll just have to muddle through another short but sweet post…
Now, I view these letters as ovum, waiting to be fertilized by a reply. If it doesn’t get a reply, the letter is flushed down the toilet like period soup, but with commas and colons involved. I would like to reiterate that all of these letters are honest-to-goodness attempts to make a legitimate connection with a stranger on the internet. I guess that just makes me strange. To me, these are snapshots of my soul, dangling on a virtual string for you to judge.
What we have here is one of my best subject line/opening sentence combinations. I have no idea what kind of imagined case of Herpes Simplex 2 prevented this young lady from even acknowledging the wit contained herein. I mean, just two hours ago, a lovely lass had the decency to quickly reply in reference to my subject line, although she was on her way to bed and didn’t have time to fully absorb the majesty contained within said message. Of course, those are now words that I can’t post here. See, I have a filter! Regardless, it is time to foist this upon you:
you sure think about brains an awful lot…
Sent to kit_kit
Jan. 8, 2009 – 4:03am
9% Enemy 82% Friend 88% Match
are you a zombie? A zombie who can pass for cute and then when I fall asleep you eat my brains? very cunning, indeed!
For reals, though, your description of a Sunday sounds awesome, though to tell you the truth, “morning” for me on a Sunday seems to be more like noon (on an early day). I’m glad you were able to bring some Vonnegut books with you, as life without them just seems wrong. Your paragraph about music really got to me. In my solo acoustic sets, I used to cover “Pretty Eyes” (The Natural Bridge is still my favorite Joos record, despite everyone who touts American Water as the be all, end all).
Welcome to NY.
*(Oh and as always, the Icebreaker function had plenty to say on our matchitude. Observe: “I think you both like cooking, cardigans, johnny cash, the beatles, and the kinks.” - as expected, context has no bearing on this algorithm. I totally like Cardigans, the band, but not cardigans, the type of sweater. The woman in the profile clearly wears the sweaters.)
“So now he used loud angry rock music as a replacement for real feelings, rather than as an expression of them, and he didn’t even mind very much. What good were real feelings anyway?”
— Nick Hornby, About a Boy
“And indeed there will be time to wonder, ‘Do I dare?’, and ‘Do I dare?’”
—T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
Happy 20th Birthday Photoshop!
Photoshop 1.0 (Mac only) version came out on February 19, 1990
My sister asked me to draw this for her. She was tipsy and hungry. Her favorite meal that she allows herself to eat only once a year is KFC.
Welcome to Redhead Week here at OKCLTNGR (aka my semi-secluded suburban residence during my in-between drone jobs phase). What that means is that I’ve actually sent out a few letters on OkCupid this week, all to redheads (Note: letters were sent to four young ladies, but one appears to NOT be a redhead. - Ed.)
Since life is no fun if you don’t bend the rules or tweak the system, in honor of redheads everywhere (except for the scary kind, you know, the creepy ginger kids), I am being crazy impulsive and am going to post a letter that DID get a response; one that even said I was cute and nice, natch! In what is a bizarre turn of events, this woman ACTUALLY READ my profile. Ironically, that’s what got me in trouble. I give her credit for being honest and direct at any rate. Maybe her no longer being on OkCupid has something to do with her tricking some guy exactly like me into marrying her and making babies.
I am still looking for that elusive woman who loves “Henry Fool” and wants to stay the night.
dropping a line
Sent to redresearcher
Jan. 5, 2009 – 12:43am
25% Enemy 78% Friend 73% Match
I just wanted to say hello and that you have awesome taste in movies and music. Henry Fool is one of those films I use as a barometer for relationships. Of course, the downside to this seems to be that there are at least two kinds of crazy that I have experience with…the kind that hates Henry Fool with every fiber of their being and subsequently hate me..or the kind that love the movie and my taste in music and then disappear without a trace (well, I mean, they are still alive, I assure you) from my life.
Have a good night,
Here is her response:
You seem very nice and the profile (and you) are definitely cute….problem is, I am not super-jazzed about the “casual encounters” or the “no children” parts….just not really my style….good luck as you continue “the quest” as it were…
* NOTE: Parenthetical title is merely to distinguish it from the previous entry listed as “dropping a line” and is in NO WAY something that I had put in the subject line of the actual letter, as funny (and confusing for the recipient) as it would have been.